The Gift of Singleness...

Often times, in the world of reformed theology, the young people are taught to prepare themselves for marriage. Now, before I go any farther I would like it understood that I am not saying that this time a bad thing. It is something that we should be teaching. However, what happens when those dreams of marriage don't pan out the way we want them too? Do we wait in contentment or do the phrases like "old maid" and "bachelor" haunt us as we go about our life and make us feel unworthy? Do we feel blessed by this time and take the opportunities it offers or do we grow bitter that we have no one special as we watch all of our friends sail happily off into the sunset after beautiful weddings and then watch them start their families?

Right now, I find myself in a time of singleness during which God is doing amazing things with my heart. I also find myself in a time when the majority of my close friends are being joined in the holy bond of matrimony. There is something amusingly sadistic about having to sit by and watch everyone in bliss while you nurse a broken heart. That is until you realize that maybe it's not so bad. For me, I opened up some old dreams that I had put away and began to think of things that I would like to do if God willed that my life was to be one where I was called to live "alone." Also, God used an amazing woman to guide me towards a series of books that opened my heart to God's healing hand and in the past two months I have realized that maybe a period of singlehood isn't as bad as it seems.

What could I do with this time? Technically I am free to do what I wish. I have an excellent job, a nice car, loving friends, and a very blessed family. My job is pretty much my calling in life right now as I look at it closely I see more and more that I have been put in a pretty interesting spot. The Physicians find me intelligent and interesting to talk to, my fellow nurses are still trying to figure me out and I am gradually winning the hearts of all those that I work with. Just the other day I found myself sitting cross legged in my chair having an avid discussion with several other nurse's about covenantal theology (one of them had asked me what "Reformed" meant). Unknown to me, Dr. Shah, was sitting behind me listening to the conversation. I cant help but wonder if perhaps a seed or two was planted. The Doctors are beginning to call me the "Little Bird" due to my habit of walking up and down the halls singing hymns. At the very least everyone is figuring out that I am not quite your average girl.

All that to say, there is a purpose. Right now God has placed me in a time I would rather not be in. I would much rather be buying expensive white dresses and picking out flower arrangements with the love of my life...or that was what I thought.

Who is a greater lover than our heavenly father? Who will fill our life more that He? And what better time to grow close to Him that when we are single? The distractions are less...in some ways we are allowed to be more self-absorbed. We can focus more closely on what God is doing with our heart and with our lives. We are free to live our dreams...at least the ones that don't include husbands and families. We are free, and I apologize for using this phrasing, to find ourselves. Right now I am free to follow His will to the farthest corners of the earth if He calls me to that. I am free to dance and dream. Right now as I delve into His arms deeper to find the comfort that my broken heart needs I find more and more that He would guide my dreams to do and the healing in slowly coming. My love and heart for Him grows stronger day by day. Also, He woke a dream in my heart that I had forgotten and Lord willing I will follow it and I cannot wait to see where it could lead. I grow more and more excited day by day to see if I am the tool that God would use to bring Christianity in all it's glory to the world...yes, I said the world. When you dream with God you get to dream big.

Remember,

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up
what is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to
build up;
a time to weep, a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to
gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain
from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to loose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to
speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace." (Ecclesiaties 3:1-8)

Might not some of God's greatest purposes for you be while you are single? Might that not be the time that He draws you closer to Him and in doing so even better prepares you to be the wife or husband that you so greatly desire to be? This is the time that you build the foundation upon which the rest of your life will follow. Make the most of it. Pour yourself into Him. Open your heart to your dreams...He is the one who gave them to you after all. Did you ever think that it might be for a reason. Don't kill your heart with the discontent and bitterness that comes with being "forgotten." He hasn't left you behind...He just has a different plan.

Personally, I have enough single plans to fill the rest of my life and not have a dull moment. There is so much you can do! So many things that God can use you for. Yes, wounds come, hearts break, and dreams die...but they are healed and recreated by the Great Physician...the Commander of Angel Armies. He will guide your desires and take you along a path that you could never have dreamed of. Be content for He has not forgotten you. You get to be one that is truly different with a unique calling. What can be more amazing than that?

"Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him...I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is...I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man in anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord." (1 Corinthians 7:17, 26, 32-35)

Do not stop desiring the husband or wife of your dreams but also do not allow that desire to run your whole life so that you miss the big picture. There is so much God can use you for as a single Christian and teach you that you can't learn when you are married. One thing I know, I am learning to contentment and trust. I am learning to be happy despite living in one of the hardest time in my life and people do notice that. They see there is a difference in how you handle disappointment and it makes them ask questions.

Desire the husband or wife as your case may be and do not cease to pray to that end...God truly does answer prayers and He gives you desires for a reason. Sometimes they just come differently than we think they should. And perhaps, following the dreams He gives us will lead us strait into the arms of the one He has planned for us to spend the rest of our lives with...It's all very exciting!

I hope this helped some of you...

Blessings...
~Christine