“Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.” ~Philippians 3:13.
“All the privilege I claim for my own sex (it is not a very enviable one: you need not covet it), is that of loving longest, when existence and hope is gone.” ~Jane Austen, Persuasion.
“It was unspeakably worth the wait.” ~Elisabeth Elliot.
These verses and quotes are ones that frequently find their way into my mind these days. The prayer of every moment is “Thy will be done.” So simple a phrase, so hard to uphold.
Sanctification. Why is it that we cannot see and rest in the will of our savior? I know, without a doubt that He acts on my behalf but daily I find myself trying to take my life out of His control and daily I am forced to return my steps and ways unto Him
Tonight I find myself sitting up late when I should be catching up on much needed rest, thinking of things which I cannot change. The what if’s that haunt my mind and the things which I wish I could change remain the same. The treasure that was taken away must be sacrificed and day after day my heart must be sacrificed to the Lord’s will for my life.
One person very dear to me has often told me that I have a “martyrs’ complex.” Honestly, I have to admit that I do. He has, on more than one occasion, been right about my personality. However, sometimes I think he completely missed this key point and desire of my heart. My heart longs for the Lord, I strain to love Him enough to be able to stand up, no matter the result, and say that the Lord is my God. What kind of faith did the saints of old possess that enabled them to look lions, emperors, and torture in the face and never waver from the steadfastness that has given them a place in history. What was it that made us remember their stories?
So, my friends, I have an announcement to make. It is time for me to move forward, to leave this place and go forth on my adventures. Three weeks ago I made the decision to move, at the end of this summer, to Fort Worth, Lord willing. I have wonderful friends, an excellent church, and a job will be no problem. This stay in Shreveport has been good for me. It made me consider where I came from, revisit my childhood and the pains of the past. This house, this home, once a place of so many happy memories is also the place where the greatest hurt of my life was incurred. I have thought and prayed about it, spoken to my mother and received her blessing, and my decision made. It is time to leave what lies behind and move forward to that which lies ahead.
Fort Worth has long been a place where I have found blessings and happiness. I am blessed to be loved dearly by a wonderful family there and I can hardly wait to be near to my friends who I have spent so much time with over the past eight years. Yes, I will be farther away from my family but by the end of the summer Momma should be doing much better and it is time for me to leave. I have always known I would one day and I feel that the time is now. Louisiana will always be treasured as the first home of my heart, but it is not where I am to remain. Desire pulls my away. We shall see where God shall guide.
Tonight, as my heart rests here, I know that I am a blessed woman. God’s mercies to me abound. The very fact that I am still able to lay eyes on my mother daily alone speaks how blessed I am. But more than that, I have come to see that even though I lost that which was dearest to my heart, my Heavenly Father saw fit to bring it back to me in such a way that gives me back that which I treasured most. What could be more gracious than that?
So, as I rest here, the Psalms playing on the itunes bringing peace to my heart, I find that this has been a good, but lonely day. Loneliness is that which I struggle with the most. I have come to realize that it is God’s way of drawing me closer to Him. Why is hearing His call so hard so often?
Enough rambling…time for sleep. May our Heaven Father guard and guide you!
Blessings,
~Christine
