Savior I come
Quiet my soul remember
Redemptions hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross
You were as I
Tempted and trialed
You are
The word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you're risen
To your heart
To your heart
Lead me to your heart
Lead me to your heart
Blessings,
~Christine
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Song for the Night...
It the midst of pain He raises you up...
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
This comforts me tonight. That and His everlasting love.
Blessings,
~Christine
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
This comforts me tonight. That and His everlasting love.
Blessings,
~Christine
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
My New Favorite Definition...
Recently a very good friend directed me to listen to a sermon that his pastor had preached that Sunday as he thought it would be helpful to me. The pastor quoted someone whose name escapes me...
"Self-control: The difference between what is important and what is urgent."
Think about it. Looking into the fridge what is it that is the most important to you? Eating that cake or dropping those pounds? In conversation is it having the last word or preserving a friendship? In sacrificing the desire of your heart is it having momentary contact with the object of your desire or leaving that desire in God's hands for His timing to bring it back to you?
Just something to think about...
Blessings,
~Christine
"Self-control: The difference between what is important and what is urgent."
Think about it. Looking into the fridge what is it that is the most important to you? Eating that cake or dropping those pounds? In conversation is it having the last word or preserving a friendship? In sacrificing the desire of your heart is it having momentary contact with the object of your desire or leaving that desire in God's hands for His timing to bring it back to you?
Just something to think about...
Blessings,
~Christine
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Following...
Tonight I did something that I have never done before. I let my desire lead me to where God wanted me for the evening. Does that make any sense? Explanation following...
My off-Mondays follow a very consistent pattern. Wake up late with good intentions for getting lots of stuff done but always ending in a lot of rest after a weekend of work with some shopping thrown in as Friday was payday. Today was different. My soul was dry. I awoke for the first time in my newly painted bedroom. Wanting to relax I decided to do just that. The visit to Mom could wait. My Bible found it's way into my hands and I read. The journal came next, followed by reading a bit of Eldredge. Around noon I finally left my bed and headed to the hospital. An old friend of my mothers had come to see her...one of those who I hadn't seen since I was a lot shorter than I am now. It turned into a blessing. :-) We had a lovely visit around Mom's bedside and were joined by my DON (Director of Nurses) who happens to be another friend of Mom's from the past (all three of them were in the same sorority at different times).
I find friends from my parent's past to be very interesting. They will tell you things about them that Mom and Dad would never mention themselves. They tell you how they saw your parents and how your parents touched their lives. In my case they usually end by telling my that I am just like my Mom...I'm beginning to decide that it's not a bad thing.:-)
And so the visit ended and I went on with my day. At some point I found myself spending money at Dillards which is speedily becoming my favorite place to shop. Then Kroger and home for dinner and my usual episode of House, followed by Dancing with the Stars, and then Castle. Usually to be finished off with Facebook, Gmail, some chats, and then bed.
Tonight, however, in the middle of House I felt a pull. I sometimes get these and I know it's Christ calling me to time with Him, usually in a beautiful place outside somewhere. I ignored it for a while...then it became more insistent. By the time House was over I was ready to go. I found myself heading to the "Duck Pond." It's a park alongside a bayou close to where my Grandmother used to live. I wandered there for a little while, still feeling that I was not quite where God would have me. I next found myself on my way to the hospital. Collette, the old friend was there again. We had a short visit with Mom, who just happened to be falling asleep for the night, talked with Dr. SanPedro, and headed off.
Collette asked if we could head to Starbucks so that she could catch up with what had been going on in her dear friend's life over the past few years. I obliged and the time was blessed. I am beginning to love the adventure of Desire. :-) It takes you to thing that you might otherwise have missed.:-)
Blessings,
~Christine
My off-Mondays follow a very consistent pattern. Wake up late with good intentions for getting lots of stuff done but always ending in a lot of rest after a weekend of work with some shopping thrown in as Friday was payday. Today was different. My soul was dry. I awoke for the first time in my newly painted bedroom. Wanting to relax I decided to do just that. The visit to Mom could wait. My Bible found it's way into my hands and I read. The journal came next, followed by reading a bit of Eldredge. Around noon I finally left my bed and headed to the hospital. An old friend of my mothers had come to see her...one of those who I hadn't seen since I was a lot shorter than I am now. It turned into a blessing. :-) We had a lovely visit around Mom's bedside and were joined by my DON (Director of Nurses) who happens to be another friend of Mom's from the past (all three of them were in the same sorority at different times).
I find friends from my parent's past to be very interesting. They will tell you things about them that Mom and Dad would never mention themselves. They tell you how they saw your parents and how your parents touched their lives. In my case they usually end by telling my that I am just like my Mom...I'm beginning to decide that it's not a bad thing.:-)
And so the visit ended and I went on with my day. At some point I found myself spending money at Dillards which is speedily becoming my favorite place to shop. Then Kroger and home for dinner and my usual episode of House, followed by Dancing with the Stars, and then Castle. Usually to be finished off with Facebook, Gmail, some chats, and then bed.
Tonight, however, in the middle of House I felt a pull. I sometimes get these and I know it's Christ calling me to time with Him, usually in a beautiful place outside somewhere. I ignored it for a while...then it became more insistent. By the time House was over I was ready to go. I found myself heading to the "Duck Pond." It's a park alongside a bayou close to where my Grandmother used to live. I wandered there for a little while, still feeling that I was not quite where God would have me. I next found myself on my way to the hospital. Collette, the old friend was there again. We had a short visit with Mom, who just happened to be falling asleep for the night, talked with Dr. SanPedro, and headed off.
Collette asked if we could head to Starbucks so that she could catch up with what had been going on in her dear friend's life over the past few years. I obliged and the time was blessed. I am beginning to love the adventure of Desire. :-) It takes you to thing that you might otherwise have missed.:-)
Blessings,
~Christine
Monday, May 4, 2009
A new week...
Oh life...there are times when you seem to move so slowly!
Monday morning...I worked the weekend and have decided to spend the morning in bed doing nothing and catch up on my rest before school starts and my life goes crazy. Much to do but this time is not wasted. Four books and a journal lie next to me and I find that they help with the questions. Pandora plays...filling my heart with the songs of the redeemed.
My mind begins to fill with things that must be done today...laundry, dishes, vacuuming, mopping...not to mention finishing painting the closet. I suppose I should eat at some point as well. :-)
Let me go...walk the walk that He would have for me today. It sometimes amuses me to think how He leads me even in day to day mundaness.
Self-control - Deciding between what is important and what is urgent. The definition helps. Just a thought for whoever among you find it useful.:-)
Blessings,
~Christine
Monday morning...I worked the weekend and have decided to spend the morning in bed doing nothing and catch up on my rest before school starts and my life goes crazy. Much to do but this time is not wasted. Four books and a journal lie next to me and I find that they help with the questions. Pandora plays...filling my heart with the songs of the redeemed.
My mind begins to fill with things that must be done today...laundry, dishes, vacuuming, mopping...not to mention finishing painting the closet. I suppose I should eat at some point as well. :-)
Let me go...walk the walk that He would have for me today. It sometimes amuses me to think how He leads me even in day to day mundaness.
Self-control - Deciding between what is important and what is urgent. The definition helps. Just a thought for whoever among you find it useful.:-)
Blessings,
~Christine
Monday, April 20, 2009
Calling All Angels...
Due to several recent requests of exactly what has happened with Mom, I am going to start this out with a "short" recap. Right now Mom is resting quietly, while sedated on the ventilator again.
On November 24, the Monday before Thanksgiving, Mom was taken to the ER at Glenwood Regional Medical Center where she was diagnosed with Acute Pancreatitis and sent to the Cardiovascular ICU (which turned into a great mercy). She was still awake that night when I arrived and it seemed that she was going to have a normal rough bout of this incredibly painful illness, and then be out of the hospital relatively quickly. Unfortunately, we were wrong. The next day her body began failing due to the toxins released by the pancreas sending her into acute respiratory distress (ARDS) with systemic inflammatory response syndrome (SIRS). This lead to her being placed on a ventilator along with kidney and liver failure. She was placed on dialysis almost immediately and was in a sedated coma for about a month and a half all together. The week of Christmas a fear began to surface that she had lost mental function due to her very low blood pressure the first week of her illness. It turned out to be some added liver failure.
However, she did rally from this. The week after Christmas, with much rejoicing by all the prayer warriors involved (I have been amazed by the people praying for her.), she woke up, recognized everyone, and began smiling. Her kindey function returned and they began trying to wean her off the vent. This however turned into a longer process than we originally thought it would due to the fluid imbalances that she was having.
In January she was transferred to Willis Knighton Medical Center in Shreveport so that Dr. Zabari and his team could look into the pancreatic cysts that had developed and where now in her abdomen. Drains were placed and they seemed be successfully draining at that time. She also finally got off the vent and was doing well enough to start physical therapy and to be transferred out to the Stepdown unit and from there to Promise Hospital Bossier, a Long Term Acute Care, so that she could be under the care of my most beloved and amazing Dr. San Pedro who I work with at Willis Knighton Bossier.
While at Promise she began getting much better and I began to rest easy. Her trach was finally removed and she, while depressed, seemed to be on the road to recovery. Unfortunately, at this time she had a drug resistant strain of Pseudonymous which began to cause some trouble. Also, at this time the drains began to stop working and her large, main drain was accidentally pulled out by physical therapy while they were assisting her back to bed after one of her morning sessions. However, we found that the tube was blocked and so wasn't working. Dr. San Pedro began pulling fluid from the two drains left daily until they stopped and Mom was all set to have her drains replaced to larger ones as the doctors began thinking that the fluid in the cysts was just to thick to be pulled out through the ones present.
Then the return to ICU happened. Two weeks ago, right before the drains were scheduled to be replaced, Mom spiked a temp, her heart rate accelerated, and her blood pressure (BP) began to bottom out. It was feared that she had thrown a blood clot that had ended up in her lung causing a pulmonary embolus but that was ruled out by a CAT scan and as the day went on it became more apparent that she was becoming septic (really bad infection) in her blood stream.
She was moved across the street to Willis Knighton Bossier (where I work) and placed in the ICU there. It was great having my doctors care for her, knowing her nurses, and being surrounded by my work family. Props to all of you! :-) Dr. Mainous, General Surgery, was consulted and two operations later she was doing great having had all the rotten junk that was living inside of her cleaned out (see my past two notes for more detail regarding the surgeries). We moved forward trying to aggressively wean her off the vent. And thus concludes the summary...yeah, I know, ridiculously long.
This weekend I worked and so was able to run down to the ICU several times a day to check on Mom. She was doing pretty well and I had a small party when Dr. San Pedro was rounding on my patient's and he told me that the tube was being pulled on Saturday. Mom was awake Friday and making motions that she wanted her tube out right now. Saturday she did well off the vent, other than her oxygen saturation dropping very time she pulled her high flow oxygen make off...yeah, the drugs were still with her a good bit. Dad and Claire came to visit that night and all was satisfactory.
Then yesterday happened. At 8 that morning when I headed down after getting my day in order, she was fine, tired, but stable. At 10, for visiting hours, she had spiked a temp of 103 which dropped after some tylenol and didn't go back up, but her respirations became labored. At noon when I went in to check before my lunch run to Subway I found respiratory rolling in a BIPAP (forces air in her lungs via a mask strapped to her face and helps her breath...not a good thing to see) into her room and Dr. San Pedro at the bedside working over her putting an ART line in to monitor her blood pressure and to draw ABG's (a lab that tell you how well the patient is breathing). It really wasn't a good afternoon. She struggled to breath until about 5 pm when Dr. San Pedro rounded upstairs finally and told me that she was now opening her eyes (she had been unresponsive before) and trying to talk a bit. Catherine came to town, finally, and so the 5pm visiting found the whole family together at this beside. I do wish it had been more cheerful.
At 7pm when I went to check on her before I headed home I found her looking a good bit better but still working at breathing and the BIPAP still on. I headed out to dinner with my two work buddies to destress and laugh a bit. Dr. San Pedro called me about 8:30 to tell me that he was having to put Mom back on the vent and that he was going to get a trach replaced. Not what I wanted to hear but I couldn't say that I was surprised.
This morning found her resting peacefully and looking much better. Her trach is to be placed tomorrow. The Pseudemonous has mutated again to another drug resistant strain. She's got some other bugs that aren't helping things either. They also found that Mom had aspirated her tube feeding when they put the tube back down...a.k.a she inhaled it into her lung. All this is not good but she still can get over this. We are not yet at the point of no return.
However, that being said, I will not pretend that Mom is not seriously ill. Her body has taken many hits and much now depends upon her will to live. Prayers are needed more than ever. Any visitors, cards, anything that I can read to her are welcome. Even though she is in a drug induced coma she can still hear to the best of my knowledge. We serve a mighty God who works miracles. Hope is not lost. Mom is critical in the fullest sense of the word but there is still something for us to work with. Keep up the prayers. She needs them!
Also, keep Daddy in your prayers. The toll of this is beginning to more and more visibly wear on him. He needs strength to carry on as well.
Thank each and every one of you for the prayers sent heavenward for her.
Blessings,
~Christine
On November 24, the Monday before Thanksgiving, Mom was taken to the ER at Glenwood Regional Medical Center where she was diagnosed with Acute Pancreatitis and sent to the Cardiovascular ICU (which turned into a great mercy). She was still awake that night when I arrived and it seemed that she was going to have a normal rough bout of this incredibly painful illness, and then be out of the hospital relatively quickly. Unfortunately, we were wrong. The next day her body began failing due to the toxins released by the pancreas sending her into acute respiratory distress (ARDS) with systemic inflammatory response syndrome (SIRS). This lead to her being placed on a ventilator along with kidney and liver failure. She was placed on dialysis almost immediately and was in a sedated coma for about a month and a half all together. The week of Christmas a fear began to surface that she had lost mental function due to her very low blood pressure the first week of her illness. It turned out to be some added liver failure.
However, she did rally from this. The week after Christmas, with much rejoicing by all the prayer warriors involved (I have been amazed by the people praying for her.), she woke up, recognized everyone, and began smiling. Her kindey function returned and they began trying to wean her off the vent. This however turned into a longer process than we originally thought it would due to the fluid imbalances that she was having.
In January she was transferred to Willis Knighton Medical Center in Shreveport so that Dr. Zabari and his team could look into the pancreatic cysts that had developed and where now in her abdomen. Drains were placed and they seemed be successfully draining at that time. She also finally got off the vent and was doing well enough to start physical therapy and to be transferred out to the Stepdown unit and from there to Promise Hospital Bossier, a Long Term Acute Care, so that she could be under the care of my most beloved and amazing Dr. San Pedro who I work with at Willis Knighton Bossier.
While at Promise she began getting much better and I began to rest easy. Her trach was finally removed and she, while depressed, seemed to be on the road to recovery. Unfortunately, at this time she had a drug resistant strain of Pseudonymous which began to cause some trouble. Also, at this time the drains began to stop working and her large, main drain was accidentally pulled out by physical therapy while they were assisting her back to bed after one of her morning sessions. However, we found that the tube was blocked and so wasn't working. Dr. San Pedro began pulling fluid from the two drains left daily until they stopped and Mom was all set to have her drains replaced to larger ones as the doctors began thinking that the fluid in the cysts was just to thick to be pulled out through the ones present.
Then the return to ICU happened. Two weeks ago, right before the drains were scheduled to be replaced, Mom spiked a temp, her heart rate accelerated, and her blood pressure (BP) began to bottom out. It was feared that she had thrown a blood clot that had ended up in her lung causing a pulmonary embolus but that was ruled out by a CAT scan and as the day went on it became more apparent that she was becoming septic (really bad infection) in her blood stream.
She was moved across the street to Willis Knighton Bossier (where I work) and placed in the ICU there. It was great having my doctors care for her, knowing her nurses, and being surrounded by my work family. Props to all of you! :-) Dr. Mainous, General Surgery, was consulted and two operations later she was doing great having had all the rotten junk that was living inside of her cleaned out (see my past two notes for more detail regarding the surgeries). We moved forward trying to aggressively wean her off the vent. And thus concludes the summary...yeah, I know, ridiculously long.
This weekend I worked and so was able to run down to the ICU several times a day to check on Mom. She was doing pretty well and I had a small party when Dr. San Pedro was rounding on my patient's and he told me that the tube was being pulled on Saturday. Mom was awake Friday and making motions that she wanted her tube out right now. Saturday she did well off the vent, other than her oxygen saturation dropping very time she pulled her high flow oxygen make off...yeah, the drugs were still with her a good bit. Dad and Claire came to visit that night and all was satisfactory.
Then yesterday happened. At 8 that morning when I headed down after getting my day in order, she was fine, tired, but stable. At 10, for visiting hours, she had spiked a temp of 103 which dropped after some tylenol and didn't go back up, but her respirations became labored. At noon when I went in to check before my lunch run to Subway I found respiratory rolling in a BIPAP (forces air in her lungs via a mask strapped to her face and helps her breath...not a good thing to see) into her room and Dr. San Pedro at the bedside working over her putting an ART line in to monitor her blood pressure and to draw ABG's (a lab that tell you how well the patient is breathing). It really wasn't a good afternoon. She struggled to breath until about 5 pm when Dr. San Pedro rounded upstairs finally and told me that she was now opening her eyes (she had been unresponsive before) and trying to talk a bit. Catherine came to town, finally, and so the 5pm visiting found the whole family together at this beside. I do wish it had been more cheerful.
At 7pm when I went to check on her before I headed home I found her looking a good bit better but still working at breathing and the BIPAP still on. I headed out to dinner with my two work buddies to destress and laugh a bit. Dr. San Pedro called me about 8:30 to tell me that he was having to put Mom back on the vent and that he was going to get a trach replaced. Not what I wanted to hear but I couldn't say that I was surprised.
This morning found her resting peacefully and looking much better. Her trach is to be placed tomorrow. The Pseudemonous has mutated again to another drug resistant strain. She's got some other bugs that aren't helping things either. They also found that Mom had aspirated her tube feeding when they put the tube back down...a.k.a she inhaled it into her lung. All this is not good but she still can get over this. We are not yet at the point of no return.
However, that being said, I will not pretend that Mom is not seriously ill. Her body has taken many hits and much now depends upon her will to live. Prayers are needed more than ever. Any visitors, cards, anything that I can read to her are welcome. Even though she is in a drug induced coma she can still hear to the best of my knowledge. We serve a mighty God who works miracles. Hope is not lost. Mom is critical in the fullest sense of the word but there is still something for us to work with. Keep up the prayers. She needs them!
Also, keep Daddy in your prayers. The toll of this is beginning to more and more visibly wear on him. He needs strength to carry on as well.
Thank each and every one of you for the prayers sent heavenward for her.
Blessings,
~Christine
Monday, March 23, 2009
The Gift of Singleness...
Often times, in the world of reformed theology, the young people are taught to prepare themselves for marriage. Now, before I go any farther I would like it understood that I am not saying that this time a bad thing. It is something that we should be teaching. However, what happens when those dreams of marriage don't pan out the way we want them too? Do we wait in contentment or do the phrases like "old maid" and "bachelor" haunt us as we go about our life and make us feel unworthy? Do we feel blessed by this time and take the opportunities it offers or do we grow bitter that we have no one special as we watch all of our friends sail happily off into the sunset after beautiful weddings and then watch them start their families?
Right now, I find myself in a time of singleness during which God is doing amazing things with my heart. I also find myself in a time when the majority of my close friends are being joined in the holy bond of matrimony. There is something amusingly sadistic about having to sit by and watch everyone in bliss while you nurse a broken heart. That is until you realize that maybe it's not so bad. For me, I opened up some old dreams that I had put away and began to think of things that I would like to do if God willed that my life was to be one where I was called to live "alone." Also, God used an amazing woman to guide me towards a series of books that opened my heart to God's healing hand and in the past two months I have realized that maybe a period of singlehood isn't as bad as it seems.
What could I do with this time? Technically I am free to do what I wish. I have an excellent job, a nice car, loving friends, and a very blessed family. My job is pretty much my calling in life right now as I look at it closely I see more and more that I have been put in a pretty interesting spot. The Physicians find me intelligent and interesting to talk to, my fellow nurses are still trying to figure me out and I am gradually winning the hearts of all those that I work with. Just the other day I found myself sitting cross legged in my chair having an avid discussion with several other nurse's about covenantal theology (one of them had asked me what "Reformed" meant). Unknown to me, Dr. Shah, was sitting behind me listening to the conversation. I cant help but wonder if perhaps a seed or two was planted. The Doctors are beginning to call me the "Little Bird" due to my habit of walking up and down the halls singing hymns. At the very least everyone is figuring out that I am not quite your average girl.
All that to say, there is a purpose. Right now God has placed me in a time I would rather not be in. I would much rather be buying expensive white dresses and picking out flower arrangements with the love of my life...or that was what I thought.
Who is a greater lover than our heavenly father? Who will fill our life more that He? And what better time to grow close to Him that when we are single? The distractions are less...in some ways we are allowed to be more self-absorbed. We can focus more closely on what God is doing with our heart and with our lives. We are free to live our dreams...at least the ones that don't include husbands and families. We are free, and I apologize for using this phrasing, to find ourselves. Right now I am free to follow His will to the farthest corners of the earth if He calls me to that. I am free to dance and dream. Right now as I delve into His arms deeper to find the comfort that my broken heart needs I find more and more that He would guide my dreams to do and the healing in slowly coming. My love and heart for Him grows stronger day by day. Also, He woke a dream in my heart that I had forgotten and Lord willing I will follow it and I cannot wait to see where it could lead. I grow more and more excited day by day to see if I am the tool that God would use to bring Christianity in all it's glory to the world...yes, I said the world. When you dream with God you get to dream big.
Remember,
"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up
what is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to
build up;
a time to weep, a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to
gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain
from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to loose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to
speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace." (Ecclesiaties 3:1-8)
Might not some of God's greatest purposes for you be while you are single? Might that not be the time that He draws you closer to Him and in doing so even better prepares you to be the wife or husband that you so greatly desire to be? This is the time that you build the foundation upon which the rest of your life will follow. Make the most of it. Pour yourself into Him. Open your heart to your dreams...He is the one who gave them to you after all. Did you ever think that it might be for a reason. Don't kill your heart with the discontent and bitterness that comes with being "forgotten." He hasn't left you behind...He just has a different plan.
Personally, I have enough single plans to fill the rest of my life and not have a dull moment. There is so much you can do! So many things that God can use you for. Yes, wounds come, hearts break, and dreams die...but they are healed and recreated by the Great Physician...the Commander of Angel Armies. He will guide your desires and take you along a path that you could never have dreamed of. Be content for He has not forgotten you. You get to be one that is truly different with a unique calling. What can be more amazing than that?
"Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him...I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is...I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man in anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord." (1 Corinthians 7:17, 26, 32-35)
Do not stop desiring the husband or wife of your dreams but also do not allow that desire to run your whole life so that you miss the big picture. There is so much God can use you for as a single Christian and teach you that you can't learn when you are married. One thing I know, I am learning to contentment and trust. I am learning to be happy despite living in one of the hardest time in my life and people do notice that. They see there is a difference in how you handle disappointment and it makes them ask questions.
Desire the husband or wife as your case may be and do not cease to pray to that end...God truly does answer prayers and He gives you desires for a reason. Sometimes they just come differently than we think they should. And perhaps, following the dreams He gives us will lead us strait into the arms of the one He has planned for us to spend the rest of our lives with...It's all very exciting!
I hope this helped some of you...
Blessings...
~Christine
Right now, I find myself in a time of singleness during which God is doing amazing things with my heart. I also find myself in a time when the majority of my close friends are being joined in the holy bond of matrimony. There is something amusingly sadistic about having to sit by and watch everyone in bliss while you nurse a broken heart. That is until you realize that maybe it's not so bad. For me, I opened up some old dreams that I had put away and began to think of things that I would like to do if God willed that my life was to be one where I was called to live "alone." Also, God used an amazing woman to guide me towards a series of books that opened my heart to God's healing hand and in the past two months I have realized that maybe a period of singlehood isn't as bad as it seems.
What could I do with this time? Technically I am free to do what I wish. I have an excellent job, a nice car, loving friends, and a very blessed family. My job is pretty much my calling in life right now as I look at it closely I see more and more that I have been put in a pretty interesting spot. The Physicians find me intelligent and interesting to talk to, my fellow nurses are still trying to figure me out and I am gradually winning the hearts of all those that I work with. Just the other day I found myself sitting cross legged in my chair having an avid discussion with several other nurse's about covenantal theology (one of them had asked me what "Reformed" meant). Unknown to me, Dr. Shah, was sitting behind me listening to the conversation. I cant help but wonder if perhaps a seed or two was planted. The Doctors are beginning to call me the "Little Bird" due to my habit of walking up and down the halls singing hymns. At the very least everyone is figuring out that I am not quite your average girl.
All that to say, there is a purpose. Right now God has placed me in a time I would rather not be in. I would much rather be buying expensive white dresses and picking out flower arrangements with the love of my life...or that was what I thought.
Who is a greater lover than our heavenly father? Who will fill our life more that He? And what better time to grow close to Him that when we are single? The distractions are less...in some ways we are allowed to be more self-absorbed. We can focus more closely on what God is doing with our heart and with our lives. We are free to live our dreams...at least the ones that don't include husbands and families. We are free, and I apologize for using this phrasing, to find ourselves. Right now I am free to follow His will to the farthest corners of the earth if He calls me to that. I am free to dance and dream. Right now as I delve into His arms deeper to find the comfort that my broken heart needs I find more and more that He would guide my dreams to do and the healing in slowly coming. My love and heart for Him grows stronger day by day. Also, He woke a dream in my heart that I had forgotten and Lord willing I will follow it and I cannot wait to see where it could lead. I grow more and more excited day by day to see if I am the tool that God would use to bring Christianity in all it's glory to the world...yes, I said the world. When you dream with God you get to dream big.
Remember,
"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up
what is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to
build up;
a time to weep, a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to
gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain
from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to loose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to
speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace." (Ecclesiaties 3:1-8)
Might not some of God's greatest purposes for you be while you are single? Might that not be the time that He draws you closer to Him and in doing so even better prepares you to be the wife or husband that you so greatly desire to be? This is the time that you build the foundation upon which the rest of your life will follow. Make the most of it. Pour yourself into Him. Open your heart to your dreams...He is the one who gave them to you after all. Did you ever think that it might be for a reason. Don't kill your heart with the discontent and bitterness that comes with being "forgotten." He hasn't left you behind...He just has a different plan.
Personally, I have enough single plans to fill the rest of my life and not have a dull moment. There is so much you can do! So many things that God can use you for. Yes, wounds come, hearts break, and dreams die...but they are healed and recreated by the Great Physician...the Commander of Angel Armies. He will guide your desires and take you along a path that you could never have dreamed of. Be content for He has not forgotten you. You get to be one that is truly different with a unique calling. What can be more amazing than that?
"Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him...I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is...I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man in anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord." (1 Corinthians 7:17, 26, 32-35)
Do not stop desiring the husband or wife of your dreams but also do not allow that desire to run your whole life so that you miss the big picture. There is so much God can use you for as a single Christian and teach you that you can't learn when you are married. One thing I know, I am learning to contentment and trust. I am learning to be happy despite living in one of the hardest time in my life and people do notice that. They see there is a difference in how you handle disappointment and it makes them ask questions.
Desire the husband or wife as your case may be and do not cease to pray to that end...God truly does answer prayers and He gives you desires for a reason. Sometimes they just come differently than we think they should. And perhaps, following the dreams He gives us will lead us strait into the arms of the one He has planned for us to spend the rest of our lives with...It's all very exciting!
I hope this helped some of you...
Blessings...
~Christine
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