Passion...

Tears wish to come. A woman’s heart pounds within me. A desire to be loved cries forth. Longing for the warmth of a lover’s lips and the feel of his caress envelope me. Passions stir. The cry, “how long” screams within my very soul but yet it also holds fast to that which is it’s certain rock. Obedience and faith stay me. But womanly human desire pulls me.

How do I hold this heart that cries and calls for love? How do I wait? Only by the strength given me…only by His love and care. My Savior…tender, loving, and sure…whose plan I alone can trust. He knows. But He does not remove my longing.

My heart, strong and passionate, filled with the denied desire once grasped for calls forth. It calls for the love that was denied it…but not for the lovers denied. No. They are the past. They are reconciled. No. My heart calls for that future…for that which is to come. For the journey, the calling, the adventure. This feeble humanity that contains me calls to feel and know the caress of a lover yet again. To be desired, sought, and told that I am worthy of love. It cries to no longer stand alone and un-summoned. It cries for love.

Not the cry of despair that it once was for now it does stand fast upon a rock. It accepts the will of the Father with all submission should it be called to forever live in this life single and alone. It will obey. It will watch. It will hold in check it’s greatest dream. The cost is not to great for another passion fills it’s very being. A heavenly lover who can meet it’s every need. A heavenly lover who has left this greatest of thorns piercing my porcelain skin…and the blood from the pierced wound does flow…but slower than it once did. Slowly, easier, and a scab begins to form.

This scab…acceptance. Perhaps in some ways resignation. In all ways obedience. The heart knows. It sees. It requests. But it let’s go.

I am woman. I am she who desires, craves, and whose heart beats apace for that for which it still longs. It is my heart that pounds within my chest crying for that which was lost and which longs to feel again. It is this heart, my very own, which stands strong at my calling. It is this heart that fails…which still holds a dream.

My neck is bare….in this moment craving the kiss of the lover. My breasts scream for that which they once felt. My lips, full and soft, call for love. My body cries for that which it was made for. But there is no answer. No human hand is here to touch me. No lover to tenderly take me in his arms as hold me as I crave to be held. No. Physically I am alone in every way.

But my heart knows a truth…for some greater reason this love and this passion is denied me. A loving Heavenly Father withholds this great desire that He may use me for His purpose. He holds me, His precious treasure in His everlasting arms. He sees these tears with will not flow and only glisten about my eyes. He knows. He feels my pain. He takes it as His.

Then, His embrace comes. I allow Him to comfort my heart. He allows me to grieve. He knows what He asks of me in this single life. He knows what I am willing to give for Him. He knows I will give all…even to death. He prepares me for what is to come. I can, in some ways, literally feel His touch on my face and His arms embracing me. He allows me to rest there and on His shoulder for my tears to fall. He understands. He gives strength and fullness.

Tonight, I will lay my head on my pillow with no lover or husband beside me but all around me my Protector and God will be there. His angels will guard me and slowly He will show me His purpose for me. I have not been called to singlehood to be wasted. I have been called to this for a greater purpose so that He may use me as He would.

Human desires are stayed. Obedience and faith are taken up. The price is not too high. He died for me…for Him I can deny myself.

He will uphold me with His everlasting arms…